i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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