Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
