I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
