Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
