You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
