So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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