Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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