My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
