i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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