why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
