It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
