he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
