Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
