I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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