Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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