I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
