you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
