I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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