theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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