Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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