They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's official drugs can't kill me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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