I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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