is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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