I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
