I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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