I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Found your dick twin last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How does it feel to date your dad?
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