it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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