dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
