he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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