she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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