you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
