Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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