I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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