after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
