I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
