I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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