Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
