god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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