Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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