I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
