Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
