At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
