I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
