opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize