trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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