I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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