I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
