you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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