saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
