Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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