Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
