i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
they're like a gay fantastic four
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
