Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
