Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
