sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
