I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
