The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
