It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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