The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
