so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
