Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Bring me that man meat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
