I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
