I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
