his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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