So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
