covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am one with the molecules
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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