There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
